The encounter with the bullettes had left the whole party on edge: first we (meaning, me) had nearly been slaughtered by the gray dragon Caustrex, and now we had almost been made meals by the land-sharks. Only Skalrag’s cunning stratagem of allowing himself to be chewed on and knocked unconscious multiple times had saved us all from certain death. The Janech Vale was clearly a dangerous place….
Nevertheless, we continued on, looking for traces of the prospecting party as we travelled through the forested valley towards the site marked “Aleid” on the Chancellor’s map. I kept careful eye on the location of the nearest trees as we advanced, ever-ready to scramble up one should the earth once more shake beneath our feet.
A few hours further into our journey, we spotted smoke rising lazily in the distance. Approaching more closely, we found a small cabin, surrounded by a low but sturdy stone wall.
“Viggo thinks someone home, unless is magic hut that makes own smoke,” said our always-sage ranger. The rest of us had drawn a similar conclusion. We cautiously approached, and knocked on the door. After a while, an irritable and very suspicious dwarf appeared—one Binwin Bronzehaft. He eventually invited us in, but only after he spotted Thoradrin, a fellow dwarf, among our group.
After some time, and the repeated application of alcohol, we finally learned a little about our rather reluctant host. He was a ranger, who had lived in these parts for some years. He seemed to know little or nothing about the prospectors. He did confide, however, that he had a friend who had suffered the humiliation of having valuable axe stolen by a local band of Goblins. He—or rather, his friend—would be most grateful to whomever might recover it.
The goblin lair seemed to be near or at one of the sites we needed to check out, so we promised to take this into consideration. I lurked about a bit, and could find nothing in the cabin that cast doubt on his story (although Binwn’s ever watchful hound Timothy would not let me explore the bedroom too closely, and I had no desire to cause a commotion by trying).
The following morning we left our hung-over host, and climbed the hills for several hours to reach Aleid. At the site we found a network of caves, apparently inhabited by giant cave bears, although we saw none of the beasts. We decided not to press too deeply into the cave system, despite Viggo’s reminders about the delights of fresh bear-milk.
Instead, we headed back down this mountain and marched to the north-east, towards the goblin lair and the map-site marked “Bortho.” There we found what appeared to be a large foundry, most of which seemed to be deep in the ground. Steam plumes and the shapes of the rocks suggested that—much like the vents—this was an area of some volcanic activity, and that the Goblins might be harnessing the earth’s very fires for their mysterious activities.
A frontal assault was clearly right out, given our small band and the unknown scores or hundreds that might dwell within and beneath. Consequently, we tried a more direct approach.
“Hello,” I said as I strolled to a small stone keep that seemed to mark the entrance to the foundry below. “I’m Arnold Wurzel of the Glorfindle Trading Company…”
At this, one or two of my companions seemed to suppress a smirk. I’m not sure why, since this much was true, sort of—I had indeed worked for Old man Glorfindle upon the canals, although his rusty barge full of bric-o-brac was hardly a global trading empire. I ignored them, and continued on. “We’re here about a possible order for your fine.. err.. fine…”
“..weapuns?” grunted one of the goblin guards. “Youz hafta talk to da foregobbo, den.” He signaled a companion, who tugged on a thick rope. We could hear the echoes of a large bell clanging deep below.
A few minutes later, a larger and better-dressed goblin arrived. I started once more into my routine—explaining that we were a merchant expedition, looking for new arms supplies that we might sell abroad. We were considering a major order, I added, and so we were hoping to survey their establishment and obtain a few samples for consideration. As I smiled generously, my companions nodded with apparent earnestness.
While the foreman seemed doubtful, he nonetheless agreed to show us the foundry and its products. We entered the keep, and thereafter entered further into an iron and wooden cage, attached to mighty pulleys above and some unknown device below. The foreman pulled a lever, and with a clank we started to descend into the very depths of the earth. As we did, it grew hotter and hotter, until finally our conveyance descended into the centre of a huge cavern. We could see huge vats of molten iron and other metals, scores of goblins hard at work, and rivulets of molten lava that seemed to provide the heat by which the entire enterprise functioned.
Disembarking from the conveyance, we were shown various boxes of weapons as we talked prices, terms, and conditions. All the time I kept up a lively—but, I feared, increasingly less convincing—patter. We asked to see his boss, a certain Lord Snazzgazz. He refused. Not even Kiira’s valiant efforts to use the chilling tone of a chartered accountant seemed to move him (although it certainly sent shivers down my spine, reminding me of nothing quite so much as that horrible day when I was 11 and the inspectors from the Peithris Barge and Waterway Tax Authority caught up to us and took our ferrets).
Instead, the foreman lead us towards a large lake of lava. It was, as my mum used to say, as doubtful as a jar of sheep. We all tensed, expecting an ambush.
It wasn’t long in coming, but from an unexpected source. A strange, fiery humanoid form and two smaller creatures arose from the centre of the lava lake, and started in our direction. As they did so, the largest scooped up some of the molten rock—and hurled it right towards us! Now that was hardly fair. I heard a cry as one of my companions was scalded by the magma.
“Aiiiiiieeeeeeeeee… hothothot…”
I suspected it was Dirock and not Skalrag, because it ended with angry curses rather than sobs or wails. I didn’t have time to turn to check, however, for at that very moment dozen or so goblins were closing on our location from the tunnels, brandishing their picks and other tools as weapons.
Taking my spinnyblade in hand, I backed into a corner, threw it, and felled one of the smaller worker goblins. Several others hurled themselves at Thor, who seemed quite happy to drop the pretense of shopping for goblin blades to return to his more tradition role of cleaving goblin skulls. As the mob around him grew, I leaped to his aid, throwing blade after blade, dropping another and blinding two more. I then drew Petunia in hand, and started to melee. I could see Viggo doing the same off to my right, his twin blades glinting in the torchlight as he thrust both steel and guttural Kuzian curses at our foes. We all had to step carefully, for dangerous channels of molten rock crisscrossed the floor.
BOOM! there was a loud explosion to my rear, as one of the larger goblins threw some sort of explosive pot towards Dirock and Skalrag. Kiira slew a few goblins with her arcane powers, before turning her attentions to the lava lake and the threat there. Fortunately, Skalrag’s icy incantations seemed to have an especially efficacious effects on the menacing magma monsters. Moreover, he managed to do all this without falling, dying, being knocked unconscious, or having anyone jump on him. Clearly he had become a master of tactical flexibility.
The fight went better for us than I first feared. The goblins fell quickly, and the last of the larger brutes with the cinder pots was dropped by my blade (and his pot relocated) before it could do more harm. The smaller lava monsters, scorpion-like in appearance, were slain. Only the larger magma beast remained, and it was clearly weakened.
“Stop! Pleaze…” it was the voice of the foreman, and clearly far more worried than intimidated. He clearly hadn’t expected the havoc we had wrought, and feared for the life of the magma beast as if it were somehow important to their business. We stopped, and glowered menacingly.
The foreman gestured back down the corridor along which we had earlier entered. “Izz all a mistake.. Lord Snazzgazz will see you now…”
We marched in the direction that the goblin indicated, being sure to glower still more as we did. Eventually we were ushered through a tall set of double bronze doors, into a large and ornate room covered with great bronze panels on the floor and walls and a double row of stone pillars rising from floor to ceiling. A half dozen or so goblin guards lined the walls. To our front was a large raised dais, upon which sat a throne, and on that a large corpulent goblin wearing a golden crown. Worried about traps, I made certain not to step directly on any of the panels lest they slide away and drop us into some infernal pit below. Kiira stayed outside, so that she might warn us if another ambush approached the chamber.
WHAT brings you to our foundry? For whom are you working? Why have you LIED to us? What is it you truly want?
The questions all came unbidden to my mind, without aid of the spoken word. Either the goblin chief was a telepath, or the crown on his head gave him such powers, or I was starting to have hallucinations. Judging from the reaction of my companions, it was one of the former.
I stepped forward, and took up an angry tone. “We have NOT, lied.. we are, as we have said, traders, and we’ve been nothing but charming…”
You HAVE lied! The voiceless voice boomed as the fat goblin lord stared at us. I have never heard of this Glorfur.. Glififur…
“Glorfindle. The Glorfindle Trading Company—and there is no reason you would have, unless you’re uncommonly aware of the barge-merchants of Ward Kaloni. It was you who attacked us…”
NO. I did not attack you.
I was growing annoyed at all of this. “Yes, its true—you didn’t attack us personally, you had the lava creatures do it. Any why? What had we done? Had we done anything like this?…”
With a flick of my wrist I drew Petunia, and flung my magical blade at the throat of a nearby goblin guard with one fluid movement. It was a perfectly aimed shot. The guard fell dead to the floor with bloody gurgle as Petunia returned to my hand. I didn’t miss a beat.
“No! We didn’t do anything at all like that at ALL. We just asked about your wares.”
At first, the corpulent goblin boss looked a little perturbed at the sight of the bloody guard on the floor, but then smiled as if to get down to business.
Yes, perhaps… but there is more you seek?
Skalrag stepped forward. “Yes, we’re looking for a group of prospectors. And a missing gold axe, belonging to one Binwin the often-inebriated ranger. Have you seen either? We would welcome news of the former, and might be able to offer something for the latter.”
I know nothing of any prospectors. The axe, I have–the dwarf was trespassing on our lands, and we took it as a rightful prize for his transgression. Still, I might part with it for a price… there is a grey dragon that has been causing us trouble of late, raiding our shipments and carrying off my workers. Perhaps if you slew her for me?…
Skalrag smiled back. “Oh, you mean Caustrex? She won’t be bothering you any more.” With a flourish he stepped forward, and pull one of her eyes from his sack of magical ingredients.
The goblin laughed—a real laugh this time, that reverberated from the metal-clad walls of the chamber. In that case, I have no need of you! He pulled at a lever on his throne, and with a clank (as I had earlier feared) the panel beneath Skalrag’s feet suddenly gave way, opening into a pit of bubbling hot magma below. The goblin threw back his head to laugh once more
Haaahahahahaha.…Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
THUNK. Arghhh!
The latter sounds, I’ll admit, were of my doing: once more Petunia had come out of her scabbard in the flash of an eye, flying across the room in a blur and cutting Snazzgazz a bloody gash against his leg. As he shouted in pain the fat goblin limped to his feet, and began to stumble down from his dais and to a passage at the back of the chamber.
I stopped just long enough for the blade to return to my hand, and stepped out of sight behind a pillar. I could hear Skalrag wailing (and not, apparently, boiling—he had fortunately caught himself on the edge of the pit rather than plunging into the lava below), the sound of weapons being drawn, the thud of crossbows being fired, and the clash of steel on steel. The fight had begun!
My first priority was to prevent Lord Snazzgazz from escaping, so I raced as furtively and as quickly as I could to the rear of the room, dodging from pillar to pillar. Viggo had the same idea, and rushed up the other side of the chamber—only to be intercepted by one of the guards. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Thor and Dirock rushing to engage the nearest goblins, while Skalrag pulled himself out of the pit and up to (relative) safety.
As I rounded the corner behind the dais, I spotted my quarry. Unfortunately, he was not alone. Some beast was there too—lizard-like and spiky, with a huge bony tail. It looked at me, swung its appendage, and narrowly missed my head. Snazzgazz leaped onto its back, and urged it in my direction. I ran back the way I had just come, the huge lizard thundering behind me. As Dad used to say, fleeing is the better part of valor.
Fortunately, rather than play hide-and-go-seek-the-halfling among the pillars, Snazzgazz and his beast decided instead to charge Thor. By this time, all but two of the guards had been felled, but these last two were giving us some trouble, having wounded both Dirock and Viggo. I heard Viggo shout out to our cleric: “Be not all scaredy, Dirock, for the Raven’s Queen’s blessing is upon you!” Thor laughed so hard at Dirock’s obvious discomfort at the blessing that he found himself hit by one of the guards. Skalrag clambered up to the throne platform, from where he could best hurl his ever-energetic magicks of devious damage against our foes.
I for, one, loosed my sling at our opponent. Somehow, however, the bullet deviated from true, and struck Viggo instead. I then threw one of the goblin cinder-pots that I had earlier relocated, but it too shifted at the last minute and struck Thor. What trickery was this? Was our foe immune from ranged attacks? This rather cramped my style! What’s more, the goblin chief had drawn a wand, and seemed to be calling all manner of foul incantations upon my companions, variously blinding them or setting them alight. Something had to be done!
It was then that I remembered it: Chapter 5 of Edgar Stoat and the Great Jungle Rodeo! While I had only tried the famous move once before—rather unsuccessfully, as a young lad, with Farmer Willowbong’s sheep—it seemed perfect for the occasion.
So I ran behind the unsuspecting goblin… leaped into the air onto the lizard-beast’s back, and pushed Lord Snazzgazz hard in the back—right over the creature’s head. He fell heavily to the ground below As he landed with a thud, I sat down in the saddle, grabbed the reins, and shouted (as Edgar Stoat had done so himself):
“Yippee-ki-yay, featheredmucker!”
Of course, the shout made far more sense when Edgar Stoat had applied it to the mud-dwelling bird-cannibals of the fetid Szudkilian Swamps, but still—it was a move which would have made him proud! The lizard-beast tried to throw me off, but I only held on more tightly, waving my hat in the air. Yippee-ki-yay indeed!
By this time, the last of the guards had been slain. Viggo was slashing at Snazzgazz, as was Thor. Standing above them on the dais, Skalrag prepared some fiendishly cunning ranged incantation with which to incinerate our foe…
Ranged? Noooo…. I shouted out to him, but it was too late.
As might have been predicted, the flames cast by our mage deviated at the last second, and hit the already wounded Thor, setting him ablaze. He tried to swat out the flames, but was unsuccessful. He fell to the ground, unconscious, his once proud beard singed bare.
Skalrag, aghast as what he had done, leapt off the dais and straight onto Skazzgazz, hitting him hard with his staff before running to tend to our badly battered dwarf. Dirock invoked Kord’s mighty healing powers, bringing the roasted defender once more to his feet. Skazzgazz tried again to send clouds of flame from his wand, but succeeded only in killing his wounded mount. I hopped off as the creature tumbled over, and joined Viggo in time to see the ranger at once finishing off the goblin and—curiously enough—urinating on him. As the goblin lord slumped down mortally wounded, Viggo whispered something in his ear that caused his eyes to open wide in horror even as they closed in death’s dark embrace. It was a mysterious Kuzian custom of which I wasn’t previously aware.
As Snazzgazz fell, his golden crown rolled to the floor. Skalrag picked it up. “Its definitely a crown of control or telepathy, and there’s something angry at the other end. It is also getting hot-ttt…”
He dropped it just as quickly. Before our eyes it burst into flames, the gold melting away and leaving only five red gems behind. These I quickly pocketed (for the party, of course!).
It was then that we first felt it: an ominous trembling of the ground, as if something large and terrible had been awoken within the volcanic depths.
As quickly as we could, we searched the bodies, and two small chambers behind the throne that seemed to be a bedroom and an office. This uncovered some interesting documents, a magnificent bastard sword (which Viggo claimed), sundry magical items, some gold—and Binwin’s axe.
There was another rumbling, and the door opened. Kiira poked her head in, and called out to us. “I think perhaps we had best be leaving…” Still more rumbling, and a growing chorus of goblin screams, added urgency to her suggestion.
Reentering the main cavern of the foundry, we could see at once that the eladrin had it right. Dozens of the magma creatures were streaming into the caverns from the distant lava lake, attacking the goblins. They seemed to be led by a huge one of their kind, some 30 foot or more tall. We raced for the conveyances, cutting down the odd goblin that got in our way. Once there, we headed up for the surface.
Below us, there were more screams. There was little we could do, and after the goblins’ decided lack of hospitality, we were disinclined to do even a little.
Instead, with the golden Bronzehaft family heirloom stowed safely in Thoradrin’s pack, we headed back down into the valley. Binwin and his cabin awaited us—and what would doubtless be a much warmer welcome than the first time we had met .